Chuckleheads

You’ve entered the LoserPalooza Zone. This section is reserved for those people who just won’t go away, no matter how many times you try to tell them that their time in the limelight has come and gone.

Barbara Bush

This woman is about as warm as Marie Antoinette. In fact, I suspect that Marie Antoinette may have come back and is inhabiting this woman’s body. After Hurricane Katrina, thousands of people were crammed into the Astrodome. This is when she uttered one of her most famous quotes. “Almost everyone I’ve talked to says, ‘We’re going to move to Houston.’ What I’m hearing, which is sort of scary, is they all want to stay in Texas. Everyone is so overwhelmed by the hospitality. And so many people in the arena here, you know, were underpriveledged anyway, so this, this is working very well for them.”

Sure, Barbara. They want to stay locked inside the Houston Astrodome because they are underpriveledged and life is so much better there. Now, with our choice of photo, you get two Barbara Bush gems for the price of one. The quotation in the photo is a reaction to a reporter’s question about the deaths in Iraq. I’m sure the families of those who have died in Iraq will take heart when they hear what she has to say. Barb here is our LoserPaloozer for January 2009.

The GOP

I never thought I’d be choosing an entire group of people for the LoserPalooza award so early in Obama’s term, but I am. This time it’s for the big, fat goose egg the House Republicans delivered on the stimulus package. In spite of the GOPs whining about the package not being bi-partisan, the fact is that the administration is trying to do something to help the American people and the Republicans are being, well, babies. They are not stepping up to the plate.

I wonder how they feel now that the bill is signed and all that government stimulus money will start flowing into the districts that they chose to put second to their own political gain? What do you think the people will remember come 2010?

They are our big pack of LoserPaloozas for February 2009.

John Yoo

Poor John Yoo. His reputation has been ruined by left wingers. According to Yoo “Berkeley is sort of a magnet for hippies, protesters and left-wing activists.” No shit. So what’s he doing there teaching, of all things, law? He doesn’t need left wingers to destroy his reputation. He took care of that all by himself by telling George Bush he could do just about anything he wanted against another human being in his obsessive quest to root out terrorists. In reality, George Bush was the terrorist.

Now Mr. Yoo is whining that the memos he wrote weren’t for public consumption. He would have cleaned them up. No need. The message would be clear no matter how much he cleaned up the language. According to Yoo, Congress has no power to “tie the President’s hands in regard to torture as an interrogation technique.”

George Bush should not go down alone. He had plenty of accomplices, and John Yoo was one of them. He’s our LoserPalooza for March 2009.

Barack Obama

Here’s another thing I never thought I’d be doing, but Iam without reservation. In February of this year, Obama reiterated his support for investigating and pursuing those responsible for war crimes (read: torture) in Darfur. The story is different when the targets might be a former American president, however.

In spite of the fact that he said he was open to investigating Bush administration war crimes in April of 2008, while he was simply running for president, Barack Obama has changed his position dramatically. Now, he spends his days obstructing justice. On the one hand, he releases memos to the public that detail crimes against humanity. In the same breath, he promises refuge from prosecution for those responsible. The Obama administration has even gone so far as to obstruct the Spanish investigation because the timing isn’t right.

Know what? When it comes to torture and war crimes, the timing is never right. Impeachment wasn’t convenient, so we let it go. That cannot happen again. This issue is critical to who we are as a nation. It is critical to our standing in the world. Barack Obama is wrong. He is obstructing justice and he is our LoserPalooza for April 2009.

Mary Bono Mack

You remember Mary Bobo (oops, sorry) Bono Mack! Sonny Bono’s wife. Yeah. Well, she joined the “Impeach Nancy Pelosi” Facebook page.  She accused Pelosi of politicizing national security issues, calling it a “reckless move.” Now, really, Mary let’s get real here. We’re going to “impeach” Nancy Pelosi for what she may or may not have been told by the CIA, but we’re not going to punish the architects of the torture plan? You remember those slugs, George Bush, Dick Cheney, Condoleezza Rice, John Yoo…oh, so many accomplices.

I don’t know, Mary, but I’d say telling lies to the American people and Congress to justify an illegal war is a “reckless move.” Torture is a “reckless move.” Because you just can’t figure it out, Mary, you are our LoserPalooza for May 2009!

Newt Gingrich

He’s back: The Grand Marshall of the Has-Beens Parade, the clown prince of the GOP. This time he’s got the same disease as George Bush and his followers. He’s been bitten by the rewriting history bug.

According to Newtie, Christianity is the foundation of American citizenship. He dropped this little nugget as part of the “Rediscovering God in America” indoctrination (for lack of a better word) at the Rock Church in Hampton Roads, VA. Is that a fact, Newtie? I could have sworn that we fought the Revolutionary war so that we didn’t have to have an “official” religion. Go figure.

So, Newtie, since you simply cannot get it right. Since you don’t understand that our forefathers called for no allegiance of the sort and fully understood the importance of the separation between church and state, you are our LoserPalooza for June 2009!

Bernard Madoff

Here’s the Crown Prince of White Collar Crime (shown in his official must shot) and the operator/perpetrator of the largest investment fraud ever committed by an individual. He pleaded guilty to 11 felonies. At the time of his arrest on December 11, 2008, Madoff had roughly 4,800 clients and a fraud estimated at $64.8 billion.

While many wealthy individuals, like Steven Spielberg, Kevin Bacon and Zsa Zsa Gabor lost millions, many charities were crippled or forced to close due to Madoff’s scheme. The Elie Wiesel Foundation for Humanity lost $15.2 million (Elie Wiesel and his wife lost their life savings). The Robert I. Lappin Charitable Foundation was also forced to close.

This past week, Madoff asked for leniency. His attorney, Ira Sorkin, asked for a 12-year sentence vs. the potential 150 years that could be given. According to Sorkin, at 71, Madoff has a life expectency of 13 years. I don’t know where he gets that magic number, probably from some insurance chart, but it’s clear that Madoff doesn’t get it. Bernie, baby, since you have shown neither understanding of your crime nor remorse for your actions, you are our LoserPalooza for July 2009!

John Ensign

How many ways can this guy be a loser? I’ll tell you how many: Even his mommy and daddy tried to help him out of his philandering mess by paying off his mistress, her husband and children.  The once GOP presidential hopeful from Nevada also led the calls for Bill Clinton’s resignation over a bad Oval Office blowjob. Yet, here he is after cheating on his wife, not only refusing to resign, but announcing that he will run for re-election in 2012!

According to Senator Ensign, he wants to “repair the damage” he’s caused. Some call him a whack job. Some call him a loser. Some call him a hypocrite. I think all of those names fit, but why stop there? I’m adding yet another one. Because John Ensign likes to live a different set of standards than he holds others to, I’m calling John Ensign our LoserPalooza for August 2009!

Lou Dobbs

There are so many losers and so little time that it actually took way to long for Lou Dobbs to appear here. Dobbs is the master Mexican xenophobe and the hater of all things Hispanic. Under the guise of “patriotism,” Lou Dobbs spews his hate-filled garbage under the flag of CNN (the most trusted name in news). Dobbs has blamed just about ever facet of America’s tanking society on illegal immigrants (read: Hispanics and/or Mexicans).

In one instance, a talking head on his show erroneously reported that there were 7,000 cases of leprosy in the United States over the past three years, and that it was a result of  illegal immigrants. When Lesley Stahl confronted Dobbs with the fact that the number of cases was actually 7,000 over 30 years, and that nobody knows how many are cases related to illegal immigrants, Dobbs stood by his original story. According to Dobbs, “If we reported it, it’s a fact.”

So, Lou, because you just don’t get that you can’t make stuff up to prove your bigoted points, you have been crowned our LoserPalooza for September 2009!

Oliver North

There’s something just so wrong about a convicted felon having any kind of commentary on the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, but according to ultra-patriot Oliver North, the repeal of DA/DT is tantamount to allowing pedophiles serve openly in the military.

When will the bigots get it? First, other countries allow LGBT soldiers to serve openly without issue. We’re supposed to be the greatest military nation in the world, but we just don’t “get it” on many levels. Secondly, I don’t want to burst Ollie’s brainless bubble, but the majority of pedophiles — and I mean large majority — are heterosexual males.

Ollie North, you are undoubtedly our LoserPalooza for February 2010.